This could be considered a new experience for me in a way but it really is not. I have been raising kids for 23 years now…shhhhhh don’t even think of doing the math here lol. Not only that but I have worked with children in different environments as a dance teacher and as a substitute teacher in the public school district. I know how it is when you have numerous children with different personalities, tastes etc. together and how to deal with all that comes with that. Heck my own original tribe makes a basketball team lol.
The most important rule when it comes to blended families is equality. I don’t like to differentiate between children. As a matter of fact when out and about with all of them I often get asked if they are all mine. I say yes. Why? Well first off I love the look people get lol That second when they are actually thinking “Boy did she knows how babies are made, that she kept having them?” and then they smile politely and say something like “Boy you have your hands full for sure!” And that’s when I add, “Oh I have two more, it’s a blast!” LOL At this point some can’t hide their jaw dropping. Its really amusing.
Second and most importantly, I love them all. It doesn’t matter if I gave birth to them or not. My partner’s kids are a precious part of him, not to mention they are children, so how would I not love them equally? And of course I expect my children to be loved and treated in the same manner. If it wasn’t so I would never had become involved.
So to be clear and not to confuse anybody, it is not about becoming their mother or dad as the case might be. The children have their respective mother and dad and I would never try to assume that position, nor would I allow someone to do that with my kids. What it is about is being loving to them, making it a home for all of them, so they feel safe and loved no matter which one of us they came from. And for them to learn not only respect for others but also to know that love comes from all sorts of sources, to learn to cohabitated under different circumstances and with different people, learn consideration and compromise, learn to have an open heart. After all they will be out in the world one day and will need this skills.
Some step parents are so concerned with being liked by their step children, or their own children feeling threatened, that they, without malice, treat them differently. It’s not easy when you first start to blend a family but it is important to not bend the rules for some kids and not others. It’s also imperative that both adults have open communication between them and agree on rules and consequences and have an united front, just like regular parents.
With this will come difficult tiring times as with any kids, really. But you will also get the fun times and the unexpected hugs and smiles and the sweet sound of silly laughter.
Raising kids is not easy if you are trying to do it right and you honestly love them and care. It doesn’t matter where the kids came from, when kids are in my home, I don’t care if they are mine, my partner’s, my neighbors, they all get treated the same. I grew up in a time when the whole neighborhood was your family. Any parent could “tear you a new one” if you acted up and all doors were welcoming. That’s how I want kids to feel about my home. That yes, we have rules and we expect them to follow them and when they don’t there are consequences but that is also a place where they are loved unconditionally and where we foster relationships.
Whether or not you have “step children” (I hate those labels, like step brother/sister, half sibling, blah blah, family is family no matter if by blood or not) treat all kids with the same, be patient, be firm and be loving and see how your world gets filled with many wonderful moments worth any headaches you had along the way
Our blended tribe during our family mini vacation trip to the beach
#makingmemories
