Finding Enlightenment in the Dark

So here I am , sitting in a very quiet house, by candle light with my little bit of technology….the laptop. There is no internet, no tv, no children here. only me and my dog Verses. You are probably wondering if I am running some kind of social experiment. Not at all. The truth is that due to circumstances out of my control, I couldn’t get the power connected in the house we are moving into yet, but it was time to leave where we were staying. So my children are spending the next few days with their dad, while I camp out at the house.



Some might think this strange, some may say “couldn’t you stay with friends or family”, ‘couldn’t you stay at a hotel”, maybe even with the children dad’s, after all there is always the couch. All valid questions. well here is my situation:

I have no family in town, I have friends but they have their own situations going on so I refuse to impose, staying with the kids dad a possibility but I am not his responsibility, knowing the children are in a warm place, with someone that loves them is enough for me. I can sleep in the dark, under warm covers, in peace knowing my children are safe.



For some this might appear as a horrible situation for me. But lets think about this…. I have a roof over my head (it’s been raining all day), I am dry, I have plenty of thick, comfy blankets. I know my children are being taken care off and that their absence is only temporary. In a few days the house will be full of their laughter, squeals, and non stop chatter. Of the stomping of little feet running around. I have food. might not be a nice hot dinner but food none the less, fresh food at that. I have a bathroom, true no running water but I have a great big pail I can fill with water from the pool out back to flush it and the luxury of privacy when I use it.



So what's so horrible about that? In reality , absolutely nothing! There are many homeless people out there right now. I could be one of them…their roof is maybe a bridge, their blankets if they have any are more than likely thinned out and probably dirty and humid since the weather has been so nasty today. They may or may not have food. To find a bathroom they will have to go into a gas station or a fast food restaurant and withstand the looks of the workers and patrons. Many of this looks will not be full of compassion, they will be full of disgust. There might be a good soul out there who might offer to buy them a hot drink, a bite to eat….but most likely they will turn their eyes away. That’s assuming that they are not told to leave the premises before they can use the restroom.



Is true I can not afford to go stay at a hotel for several days. I am a single mother looking for employment, my income is limited. So the money I have is to get that power connected now that the technicalities have been resolved, to put gas in my vehicle so I can take the children to school , doctors appointments, the school play, for me to go fill out applications. To buy the normal necessities of a household.

Yes this are tough times, I will have to go without internet service for a while, we will not have 150 channels or tv at all for a while, and guess what? It does not matter at all because we are blessed and so rich in all that matters in life. We have each other, we have over all good health, we have our basic necessities met. We do not have to sleep in a car (and that for many would be the greatest thing) or under a bridge, or on a park bench. If I we get hungry we open the pantry and the fridge (or the cooler right now) and we feed ourselves. So what if my children and I do not have the latest big brand tennis shoes, we have shoes. So what if our coats are not from Macy’s, we have coats, nice comfy warm ones. So what if our Christmas tree is not decorated in the latest glamour fashion, we will have a tree. A tree with precious ornaments of which many have special meaning, a tree with precious memories hanging from it, a tree we can call our own and look at every day during Christmas. Do you see my point?



So many focus on what they don’t have based on social standards and forget how much they are so very blessed to have. You don’t have to go far to find those less fortunate than you….



Do I feel at some point I wish I could give my kids more for this Christmas? Of course I have fallen into that for a second or two. But what better present than to have a home, to feel safe, to feel love, to be together and alive! My children are blessed with wonderful family and I am blessed with amazing friends. They will not go without Christmas presents. But I tell you what, when it comes down to it, is not the presents they are going to remember. Is being happy, drinking hot coco in comfy pj’s watching a dvd. Is making cookies together, decorating the tree, singing. And going to sleep in their warm beds with a smile in their faces and a kiss good night.



So as I sit here typing by candlelight, feeling a little cold but not minding because I know when I am ready I have my blankets to snuggle into, I find that this darkness is very welcome and not scary because I am blessed and I am not alone. I do not preach and I do not try to convert others into my beliefs but I am open about what I believe and what my faith is and means to me. Tonight I might be isolated from the world but I am not alone. I know I have amazing friends out there that are thinking of me, that love me and care about me and my children. I know I have family doing the same thing. I know God is with me because I see the miracles he performs in my life daily, Why He blesses me this way and others are in dire need, I do not know. We all have paths to follow and the reasons are not always clear. All I know is that I have so much to be thankful for!



I hope that if you are reading this and you are someone that can help others, that you do so. You never know when it can be you and your children or a love one or a close friend in an extreme difficult situation. Wouldn’t you feel so grateful if someone gave you a hand? Even just a smile, a word of encouragement can make such a big difference in someone's life. Be the light in the darkness, no matter how insignificant you think your light is. I know that is the lesson I am trying to teach my children as we have gone through our tribulations. Always be grateful for what you have, be positive, learn to enjoy what you have and not cry over what you don’t at the moment when you have the most important things you need. As basic as not whining because you wanted pizza and we are having chicken, you have food, others don’t. To share when the opportunity arises (I am so proud of my 10 yr old daughter who has done this with her lunch in more than one occasion) to not complain about sharing a room when others have no place to stay. All this things can be hard at time to do, but even when I have been frustrated with situations I have been grateful because things could had been worst.



I know this won’t be forever, eventually I will be on my feet solidly and will be able to afford those little extras that make our life easier and more entertaining in a way, I wont have to watch every single penny to make sure my bases are covered, but for now I am happy to sit in the dark and enjoy the light in my life. I hope you can too and I hope you can teach your children how to do so because the world is beautiful but also hard unless you know how to find the brightness within. Like I told a friend today, light attracts light and darkness attracts darkness. I rather attract light, don’t you?

And now I need to close my laptop to conserve its battery as obviously I wont be able to charge it, and tomorrow I will drive to the town Mc Donald’s and sit down to have some coffee and use their wi-fi and post this to the blog and hope it touches someone to make it a little brighter in the world